Wasting My Slipped Disk
(My
struggle to glorify God in my sickness) I’m in this
pain again. I was quite paranoid. I’m thinking that I might possibly experience
difficulty in walking and standing again. That is why I decided to go Dr.
Chua. Dr. Chua
said that I have slipped disk. I was asked to have bed rest and to have MRI. He
also said that I’m a candidate for surgery. Just
thinking about a possible operation on my back literally chills my bones… I
mean… chills my spines. Before and
after my checkup, I had asked several officemates and friends to pray for me. I
asked for a miracle so that I will be healed rather than undergoing operation.
I also asked for provision. It’s quite
difficult to stay in the bed or just stay in the house. I grow anxious every
time I think about not earning a few days salary and the there are household
needs to be met and the need to be diagnosed through MRI. Where am I going to
get provision for all of these? I’ve been in this kind of situation early this
year. It was really a period of testing. And now my faith is being tried again.
On my own, I would have given up. But I know that God supplies me the faith to
trust in Him. I remember
our discipleship cell Bible study on Romans 5:3-5, which says, “More than that,
we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and
endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not
put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the
Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” I can still
remember how Bro. Oscar has asked us, “What difference does it make if you’re a
Christian? Why would someone be a Christian if he will also suffer?” I can’t
recall how I answered the question but I’m in a situation now that fits rightly
to the questions. I would
perhaps answer it through a story. It was kind
of difficult to get a ride the day I went to the Orthopedic Hospital. The traffic was heavy
because of road construction. I prayed for a passenger taxi. I prayed that I
will be able to ride in front or in the middle because of my low back pain. I
waited and prayed for more than an hour. My back is already stressed and I’m
already late. I was a bit angry. I was frustrated but I have nowhere and have
no one to turn to but God. I was able
to ride in the middle section of a FX. My mood hadn’t changed. Then the lyrics
of the song Trust His Heart was playing in my mind. I suddenly remembered to
thank God for the FX and for being in the section I have asked. Then I became
calm. I don’t
know where the Orthopedic Hospital is. I asked Dad, the
jeepney drivers and the bystanders to give directions. I was able to get there
without getting lost. I had my
appointment. I was fairly diagnosed. And I didn’t pay the consultation fee! So
I had money to buy the medicine I need! But then
I’m still troubled. Where am
going to get the money for my MRI? What? Bed rest again? No salary for a number
of days. We haven’t received the electricity bill yet. Our landline is no
longer working. There are other things I need to buy. I still need to do sound
editing for the church. We have practices for the church’s Family Day. I have
to prepare the presentation for the office’s Monthly Fellowship. But I
followed the order of the doctor. I want to get well. As of now, there
is not much improvement. The pain is still there. And I don’t think I’m taken
cared by my family. I got angry just awhile ago because those who are able to
prepare food didn’t care if Dad and I are already hungry. Don’t they really
care that Dad is blind and I’m having this temporary disability again? It’s a
struggle. It’s easier said than done. By just looking at my story, my answer to
my cell servant’s question would have been unsatisfactory. But I really wanted to
hope in God and give Him the glory in what I’m experiencing. Then I
remember John Piper’s article “Don’t Waste Your Cancer.” He said: 1. You will
waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God. 2. You will
waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift. 3. You will
waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God. David Powlison
adds, “With God, you aren’t playing percentages, but living within
certainties.” 4. You will
waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death. 5. You will
waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather
than cherishing Christ. 6. You will
waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not
enough time reading about God. What a
waste of cancer if we read day and night about cancer and not about God. David Powlison
adds, “What is so for your reading is also true for your conversations with
others. Other people will often express their care and concern by inquiring
about your health. That’s good, but the conversation easily gets stuck there.
So tell them openly about your sickness, seeking their prayers and counsel, but
then change the direction of the conversation by telling them what your God is
doing to faithfully sustain you with 10,000 mercies. Robert Murray McCheyne
wisely said, “For every one look at your sins, take ten looks at Christ.” He
was countering our tendency to reverse that 10:1 ratio by brooding over our
failings and forgetting the Lord of mercy. What McCheyne says about our sins we
can also apply to our sufferings. For every one sentence you say to others
about your cancer, say ten sentences about your God, and your hope, and what he
is teaching you, and the small blessings of each day. For every hour you spend
researching or discussing your cancer, spend 10 hours researching and
discussing and serving your Lord. Relate all that you are learning about cancer
back to him and his purposes, and you won’t become obsessed. 7. You will
waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your
relationships with manifest affection. 8. You will
waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope. 9. You will
waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before. 10. You
will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth
and glory of Christ. There are
times in these past few days that I have wasted my slipped disk. I have thought
of dying rather than accepting this gift of pain. I have thought of death but
not in terms of redeeming the time. I was sort of revolting in my mind. I
sought comfort from the idea that I will feel better anyway through medication
and therapy. My desire to learn more about slipped disk have outweighed my time
of reading His Word. There are occasions in these past few days that I have
lost my passion for holiness. It appears that I’m just like one of those who
have no hope. But I am
confronted by His Word that says His love has been poured into my heart (Rom. 5:5). He loves me.
Therefore I have hope. My greatest need have been given and secured in Christ
Jesus. I am saved. I am His child! He is my Father! My slipped
disk? I’m placing them in His hand. God will be the one to take care of it.
struggle to glorify God in my sickness) I’m in this
pain again. I was quite paranoid. I’m thinking that I might possibly experience
difficulty in walking and standing again. That is why I decided to go Dr.
Chua. Dr. Chua
said that I have slipped disk. I was asked to have bed rest and to have MRI. He
also said that I’m a candidate for surgery. Just
thinking about a possible operation on my back literally chills my bones… I
mean… chills my spines. Before and
after my checkup, I had asked several officemates and friends to pray for me. I
asked for a miracle so that I will be healed rather than undergoing operation.
I also asked for provision. It’s quite
difficult to stay in the bed or just stay in the house. I grow anxious every
time I think about not earning a few days salary and the there are household
needs to be met and the need to be diagnosed through MRI. Where am I going to
get provision for all of these? I’ve been in this kind of situation early this
year. It was really a period of testing. And now my faith is being tried again.
On my own, I would have given up. But I know that God supplies me the faith to
trust in Him. I remember
our discipleship cell Bible study on Romans 5:3-5, which says, “More than that,
we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and
endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not
put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the
Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” I can still
remember how Bro. Oscar has asked us, “What difference does it make if you’re a
Christian? Why would someone be a Christian if he will also suffer?” I can’t
recall how I answered the question but I’m in a situation now that fits rightly
to the questions. I would
perhaps answer it through a story. It was kind
of difficult to get a ride the day I went to the Orthopedic Hospital. The traffic was heavy
because of road construction. I prayed for a passenger taxi. I prayed that I
will be able to ride in front or in the middle because of my low back pain. I
waited and prayed for more than an hour. My back is already stressed and I’m
already late. I was a bit angry. I was frustrated but I have nowhere and have
no one to turn to but God. I was able
to ride in the middle section of a FX. My mood hadn’t changed. Then the lyrics
of the song Trust His Heart was playing in my mind. I suddenly remembered to
thank God for the FX and for being in the section I have asked. Then I became
calm. I don’t
know where the Orthopedic Hospital is. I asked Dad, the
jeepney drivers and the bystanders to give directions. I was able to get there
without getting lost. I had my
appointment. I was fairly diagnosed. And I didn’t pay the consultation fee! So
I had money to buy the medicine I need! But then
I’m still troubled. Where am
going to get the money for my MRI? What? Bed rest again? No salary for a number
of days. We haven’t received the electricity bill yet. Our landline is no
longer working. There are other things I need to buy. I still need to do sound
editing for the church. We have practices for the church’s Family Day. I have
to prepare the presentation for the office’s Monthly Fellowship. But I
followed the order of the doctor. I want to get well. As of now, there
is not much improvement. The pain is still there. And I don’t think I’m taken
cared by my family. I got angry just awhile ago because those who are able to
prepare food didn’t care if Dad and I are already hungry. Don’t they really
care that Dad is blind and I’m having this temporary disability again? It’s a
struggle. It’s easier said than done. By just looking at my story, my answer to
my cell servant’s question would have been unsatisfactory. But I really wanted to
hope in God and give Him the glory in what I’m experiencing. Then I
remember John Piper’s article “Don’t Waste Your Cancer.” He said: 1. You will
waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God. 2. You will
waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift. 3. You will
waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God. David Powlison
adds, “With God, you aren’t playing percentages, but living within
certainties.” 4. You will
waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death. 5. You will
waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather
than cherishing Christ. 6. You will
waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not
enough time reading about God. What a
waste of cancer if we read day and night about cancer and not about God. David Powlison
adds, “What is so for your reading is also true for your conversations with
others. Other people will often express their care and concern by inquiring
about your health. That’s good, but the conversation easily gets stuck there.
So tell them openly about your sickness, seeking their prayers and counsel, but
then change the direction of the conversation by telling them what your God is
doing to faithfully sustain you with 10,000 mercies. Robert Murray McCheyne
wisely said, “For every one look at your sins, take ten looks at Christ.” He
was countering our tendency to reverse that 10:1 ratio by brooding over our
failings and forgetting the Lord of mercy. What McCheyne says about our sins we
can also apply to our sufferings. For every one sentence you say to others
about your cancer, say ten sentences about your God, and your hope, and what he
is teaching you, and the small blessings of each day. For every hour you spend
researching or discussing your cancer, spend 10 hours researching and
discussing and serving your Lord. Relate all that you are learning about cancer
back to him and his purposes, and you won’t become obsessed. 7. You will
waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your
relationships with manifest affection. 8. You will
waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope. 9. You will
waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before. 10. You
will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth
and glory of Christ. There are
times in these past few days that I have wasted my slipped disk. I have thought
of dying rather than accepting this gift of pain. I have thought of death but
not in terms of redeeming the time. I was sort of revolting in my mind. I
sought comfort from the idea that I will feel better anyway through medication
and therapy. My desire to learn more about slipped disk have outweighed my time
of reading His Word. There are occasions in these past few days that I have
lost my passion for holiness. It appears that I’m just like one of those who
have no hope. But I am
confronted by His Word that says His love has been poured into my heart (Rom. 5:5). He loves me.
Therefore I have hope. My greatest need have been given and secured in Christ
Jesus. I am saved. I am His child! He is my Father! My slipped
disk? I’m placing them in His hand. God will be the one to take care of it.
